“You Have Time”: Five Reassurances For Young Adults Who Don’t Know What’s Next

We’ve finally reached that time of year: graduation season. People are committing to colleges, posting pictures at prom with their friends, preparing to move to another city or state, or country, and preparing for the next chapter in their lives. Every time I open social media, I’m bombarded with these images. It’s such an important time in a person’s life, right? Of course, that’s what everyone is going to be talking about–their futures, their lives after high school.

None of this has been my experience. It was all a bit anticlimactic.

When I graduated last year, I knew I wasn’t going away to a four-year college yet. I’d be starting at a community college, because I was still feeling a bit…lost. When I would see people I knew committing to college, choosing their majors, moving away to start a new life, I felt inadequate, to say the least. They have it all figured out. Why don’t I? They seem to have a million friends to take cute prom/graduation pictures with. Why don’t I? To me, graduation season was incredibly lonely. 

This year it’s more of the same. I can’t go five seconds on Instagram without seeing an acquaintance wearing their new school’s logo, posing with their besties, and talking about their interesting summer plans. I click like, I scroll. Like, scroll. Make an occasional “So proud of you!” comment. Because I am! I’m happy to see people I know, people I care about, moving on. At the same time, it reminds me that at this moment in my life, I’m not. I’m still here. I’m still…me. Even outside of social media, all everyone asks about is “Where do you go to school?” “What’s your major?” “What are your plans after graduating?” As soon as someone learns my age, that’s what pops into their mind: what’s next for me? As someone who doesn’t quite know, I answer as best as I can, but it’s never enough for them or me.

I’m a rambler, if you haven’t noticed. Well, if you’ve read any of my 20+ Ribbon articles, you probably already know that. As a rambler who also happens to be a writer, I wanted to use this opportunity to give other people in my situation––younger people who feel behind in life, as if they’re missing out on some crucial right-of-passage by not immediately going to college or moving away––a few things to think about. Perhaps I can help reassure them––and, in turn, myself––to cut themselves some slack during this month, and all the months that follow.

You don’t have to go to college when everyone else is. 

It may seem like it, but plenty of people don’t go straight to college after finishing high school; roughly 38% don’t. Some work, some take gap years, some do both, some do  neither, some are physically or mentally unable, some don’t have the financial resources, and the list goes on. Not everyone is ready as soon as they graduate. And for those who do go right to school, many attend community college. Four-year institutions aren’t the only option. And I know that sounds daunting; perhaps it would be simpler if that was the only option. But it isn’t. There’s no reason to feel “less than” for not going down that path right away, or at all.

You don’t have to know what to do with the rest of your life.

A day rarely goes by where I meet someone and they don’t ask some version of “What do you want to do with your life?” I know they mean well, but it puts me in an uncomfortable position. Do I say “I don’t really know”? “Do I say “well, something to do with [insert broad career field]”? I wish that we wouldn’t feel so pressured by society to automatically know what we want to do with the rest of our lives as soon as we’re “adults.” Even for those who are going to college, some haven’t yet decided on a major or, even if they have, don’t really know what their plan will be after they graduate. We collectively need to understand and accept that many of us just. Don’t. Know. And that’s completely okay. We’re figuring it out.

Try not to compare yourself.

This goes without saying, though it can be extremely difficult, especially in the age of social media. Try to remember: we’re all on our own path. With exceptions relating to basic human morality, there are no right or wrong choices: there are just choices. Sometimes these choices are decided by us, or sometimes for us. Whatever it is, comparison truly is the thief of joy. And it shouldn’t be. 

It’s okay not to feel in the “prime of your life.”

As young adults, we are constantly told that this is the best time of our lives––we should go out and explore, meet new people, do new things, or else we’ll regret it. For some of us, this is quite possibly the worst time of our lives, and this comment will just make us feel worse. Try not to feel an expectation to feel a certain way just because of your age––comments like these are anecdotal and pushed upon us for a variety of reasons. It’s okay to not “go crazy” because you’re in your teens or twenties, or to not have a ton of friends. 

You have time to figure everything out.

Life is short, that’s for sure. We have learned through existing in this world that nothing is for certain, that tomorrow isn’t promised. However, that doesn’t mean that we should feel pressure to move on, to try to do everything, and feel miserable when we don’t. Most of us, the privileged of us, do have time to figure everything out. Life isn’t a race. (Oh no, have I become a motivational speaker now?)

Seriously, though. Take things at your own pace. You don’t have to go to college just because everyone else is, or want the same things everyone around you does. Everyone’s lives look different. Isn’t that part of the beauty of the human experience? 

To my fellow “I-don’t-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life-yet”s and “I’m-missing-out-on-these-life-altering-experiences”s, take a breath. Try to be happy for people you know, while also being excited for yourself and what might be to come, no matter the path you take or however long it takes to get there.